Mike Leake has been accused of stealing a lot of things over the years; young girls hearts, the souls of his strike out victims, my girlfriend, and even the occasional base. But this time he was officially booked by the 5-0. You live a fast and dangerous life like that and you’re eventually gonna get caught. Let this be a lesson, kids, you do the crime, you do the time. Unless you’re a celebrity or have a lot of money. Or if you can cover your tracks and run from the cops. Actually, there are plenty of ways to commit crimes and get away with it, but let’s not get into that.
The real crime here is that he was caught stealing $59.88 worth of stuff from a Macys. Uh, what? How is that even possible? Did he steal a package of socks and a couple wife beaters? Maybe a pair of Adidas with 4 stripes on them? Maybe he just straight up took it out of the register, Wet Bandits style. Who knows.
It’s just a shame that he got caught only days after our friend Dirt got released. I’m sure he would have rather shared his cell with Leake instead of whatever Cincinnati Bengal he was undoubtedly paired up with.
UPDATE: Mike Leake is about to talk about robbing Macys blind on Reds live at 6:30. We’re taking bets on what he blames it on. My money is that Rolen was just randomly shoving stuff down his shirt a la the grocery store scene in Animal House.