Welcome to the new-and-improved Meaty Man Diet by Dr. Tuesday J. McGavin. This is a collection of resources that will help you create the meatiest, manliest, most delicious meals you’ve ever had.
I created this diet two years ago after a very bad time in my life. I was living homeless and alone on the streets, drifting from town to town, doing anything and everything for a few bucks to buy some beer and a meal. I couldn’t afford to buy the nutritious protien my body needed, so I was forced to survive on vegetables and other nuts and fruits I could scavenge in the wilderness of people’s backyards and gardens.
I felt like a real sissy man. Then one day by the grace of god, my now two best friends Scrap Iron and Dirt Linwood saved me from my wicked ways, and I vowed to never let it happen again, and to educate the world on what it takes to be a real man. Meat.
Seriously this diet will change your life for the better. There’s nothing an attractive high school girl loves more than a older man that knows how to cook and smells like steak all the time. Plus I’m pretty sure I’ve said this before but eating meat really makes you feel like a man. Your testosterone levels and your overall mood will skyrocket within days.
There are four food groups of the Meaty Man Diet.
- A-List Ingredients – These include any and all types of manly meats and also all varieties of cheese. This is also known as the “Awesome list”.
- B-List Ingredients – Breads, pastas, and other staple ingredients like tomato sauces for pizza or chili, soup broths, gravy and the like are included in the “Base list.” Condiments are also included in the B-list.
- C-List Ingredients – Also known as the “Cheese list,” this category is basically just vegetables and shit. We’ll get to why it’s called the Cheese list in a moment.
- S-list Ingredients – There are no limits to the amount of spices and shit you can use.
- Hey if you put the letters in a different order it can spell SCAB so that’s pretty cool I guess. They are also all grades that you can get in school, did you notice that?
Now that you’ve got the terms down, we need to talk a bit about the rules.
For every A-list ingredient, with the exception of cheese, you’re allowed two B-list ingredients. This makes sure that you have plenty of meat with every meal and not a bunch of bullshit fillers to get in the way, but still leaves you room to make shit like pizzas and sandwiches. The C-list, a.k.a. shit you don’t really need, can be used but there is a special rule. This is known as:
Meaty Man Law Number One: The Cheese Factor
The official rule is stated as follows: For every Cheese selection present in the A-list, you may include one item from the C-list.
You may include any amount of any variety of cheeses, but adding a cheese does not increase the amount of B-list ingredients you may include.
As an example, Pepperoni Pizza is a meaty man food. Pepperonis and Mozzarella cheese will be your A-list ingredients, leaving plenty of room to include a crust and some sauce. If you’re the kind of prick that likes mushrooms or something else on your pizza you’ll have to add some parmesan or cheddar cheese to that mess. Throw some sausage on that bad boy and you’ve unlocked room for some garlic bread, pal.
Meaty Man Law Number Two: Plate Real Estate
In addition to following the ingredient restrictions, A-list Items must make up at LEAST fifty percent of every meal. We’re talking at least two layers of pepperoni on that pizza I was just talking about. I know I left you with a lot more options as far as different types of food you can eat, but seriously this is called the MEATY MAN DIET. If you’re making chili that spoon had better be able to stand straight up out of the bowl you jack wagon.
That’s all you need to get started with your new diet. I hope you’re prepared to be so much more awesome than you are right now. Combined with some of my fitness plans in a previous post you’ll be almost as badass as me in no time.
I’ll keep you updated with recipes from time to time to keep you inspired, but I’d really like to see some pictures or recipes of your own. Send them to me on facebook along with any attractive pictures of your girlfriends.