The good people over at Phusion Products have FINALLY rolled out their Spring line and, man, have they out done themselves this time. Let me be the first to introduce to you the much anticipated bottled Four Loko. All the convenience of getting instantaneously black out drunk combined with all the elegance of a wine cooler. This is exactly what Four Loko needed to break its way into the upper echelon, hoighty-toighty wine drinking crowd. It’s the only reason actually. Those wine drinking aristocrats have been chomping at the bit to try Four Loko, it’s just that it comes in a damned can. How unsophisticated. Aluminum? Harumph.
But worry not, friends. They haven’t forgotten about us every day, common folk. Quite the contrary. They’ve added something that has been severely lacking in drinks for years now that us simpletons absolutely love; danger. Its the same reason people go skydiving, hang gliding, or human hunting: the thrill. Sure, drinking a couple of cans of Four Loko might lead to a fight or some public nudity, but in all likely hood you’re still gonna wake up in your bed the next morning. Now imagine drinking one of these canned fist fights, but its served to you inside of a weapon. Talk about a exciting! Am I gonna wake up in jail? In the ER? In a wedding chapel? Probably not, you’ll be too busy fighting! The possibilities are endless! Shoo doggies, talk about fun.
Keep your eyes peeled for Phusions summer line coming out in the next few months. Rumor has it that they’ve got two shots of concentrated Loko served in a double barreled shot gun in the pipe line. Can’t wait.