Well I read that stuff I said at the bottom of my last Tuesday on Thursday post and I just thought you should know that I lied to you. I didn’t plan on being a lying liar, but daylight savings really had me thrown off and I forgot that it was St. Patty’s day.
Saint Patrick’s day is a pretty sore subject for me. If you’re stupid and didn’t know that McGavin is a Scottish name, then let me go ahead and tell you that McGavin is a Scottish name, stupid.
You probably don’t even know the difference between Scottish people and Irish people do you? Don’t answer that I can’t hear you. Well as Swayzesghost.com’s Senior Scottish Representative I suppose I have a job to do.
FIRST THINGS FIRST: SCOTLAND AND IRELAND ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PLACES
Somebody told me this yesterday and I’m inclined to believe them. Here’s a map of Europe or wherever they are to prove my point. Notice that Scotland is North of Ireland, also known as being “On top.”
SECOND THINGS SECOND: KILTS
A kilt is the manliest thing a man could ever wear. Nothing says you’re secure in your manhood like wearing something that might flash your twig and berries at the drop of a hat or with a stiff breeze. By the way that pun was completely intended.
The kilt first originated in the Scottish Highlands during the 16th century. Ireland didn’t adopt the kilt until around the 20th century when they realized how cool they are.
Traditionally the Scottish kilt was plaid, while Irish varieties were solid, boring colors.
THIRD THINGS THIRD: FOOD DIFFERENCES
Probably the most notable differences between Scottish and Irish folk are found in their food and drink choices.
Irish people basically eat potatoes all day, every day. Now I’m not saying potatoes are the ONLY things they eat. They put potatoes in stews, soups.. um.. stews.. other things too I’m sure.
Scotland on the other hand, really excels in meat. Their most famous dish would have to be the great Haggis. Haggis is basically meatloaf made from every single thing inside of a sheep except the stomach. They keep the stomach separate because that’s what you cook the meatloaf in.
If there’s one thing Irish and Scottish dudes can agree on, it’s that they both really know how to have a good time, and everyone knows that any good time involves alcohol.
Irish whiskey is pretty good. Triple distilled for a distinctly light flavor, it’s basically the best whiskey you can find if you’re a real puss. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really glad they invented it so Scotland could have the chance to do it better. The first thing the Scottish did was to take that ‘e’ out of there. Whisky just looks better and it really saves time. Think of all the time you could have saved if you’ve been writing Whisky instead of Whiskey your entire life. Later they decided to call it Scotch so you save a syllable when you pronounce it too. Next, they decided to only distill it twice. Not only does this reduce the amount of time between making the whisky and drinking it, it makes it taste like something worthy of being inside your mouth. I like the taste so much that sometimes I end up tasting it twice, and let me tell you it tastes just as good comin’ up as it does goin’ down.
Well I’ve got a lot of Scotch to drink and lot of Irish dudes to yell at later today, so I’m going to finish up this mess with some quick comparisons between these two great nations.
I’m done get the hell out of here.