Crunchwrap Supremes are only 88 Cents

I was driving to pick up some fizzy water today and I heard on the radio that Crunchwrap Surpremes are only 88 Cents at Taco Bell right now. There’s a limit of two, but still how awesome is this.

I’m not sure if you have ever had a Crunchwrap Supreme or not but they’re probably one of the best fast food items in the history of the world.

I'm amazing!

For all of you TBH (Taco Bell Heads), I’d like to recommend going and picking up a pair of theses guys. Unless you’re Scrap Iron, then you don’t have a car and you’re shit out of luck.

In other news, the Oscars were last night. I didn’t watch them but I’ll be damned if that stops me from commenting on them.

If I had to guess, (insert controversial star here) said something a little too edgy. Oh come on GET OVER IT already, what are you the PC police? I’m also assuming that someone may have had just a little too much to drink. Well that’s a bunch of shit, Ke$ha brushes her teeth with Jack and no one gives her guff, right?

I’m assuming Will Ferrell dressed a little wacky and had some real quips on the red carpet. Lady GaGa went for the outside the box look and Nicole Kidmans face fell off and you know what, fuck it all.

I looked up the winners of the 2011 Oscars and I’ve concluded that it’s a bunch of bullshit. I know only a couple certainties in life:

  • America is the Greatest Country in the World
  • Grizzly is for men, Skoal is for little school girls
  • The Cincinnati Reds are the greatest team in the history of sports
  • If the Coen Bros. made a movie that year, it should win every award possible

I didn’t see The Kings Speech and I probably never will but I can say with 100% assurance that it wasn’t better than True Grit. There is no way whatsoever that Colin Firth (who the hell is Colin Firth) was better than Jeff Bridges and I’m not sure what distinguishes good sound editing from bad but I have to assume True Grit was better than that Inception bullshit.

I probably should've won.

 

I feel like each year the Oscars piss me off more and more and should probably be obsolete by now. So I’m going to give out my own awards and call them the Dirt Trophies.

Best Picture – True Grit

Best Actor – Jeff Bridges

Best Actress – Natalie Portman (Any lesbian scene hottie wins this, lock that down)

Best Director – Declan O’Brien “Sharktopus”

Best Documentary – “Scream of the Banshee” (I’m assuming this was a true story)

And the rest of them are split between True Grit and the lesbian sex scene in Black Swan. See that, I saved you 4 hours of bullshit and the rightful people won. I’m going to mail this letter to Mr. Oscar or whoever it is that runs that charade they call an awards ceremony and see if we can get the ball rolling on some actual changes.

I ate this boat because I didn't win.

I’m not 100%, but if I had to guess Mel Gibson is also at fault in some manner. The only thing worse than the Oscars is the Grammys but that’s for another article.

Headlining next years Dirt Trophies is Kid Rock, Goo Goo Dolls, and Amy Winehouse’s corpse.

 

-Dirt

 

 

 

 

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8 Responses to Crunchwrap Supremes are only 88 Cents

  1. Scrap Iron says:

    Full disclosure to all the readers out there, I don’t have a car because I totaled my El Camino trying to jump a river.

  2. Art Klondike says:

    You’re a dirt bag because you because you own 13 cats and eat human hair.

  3. Phil says:

    Brilliant.

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