Tuesday on Thursday, how clever is that? Pretty damn clever if you ask me.
Anyway, here I am writing shit on the internet again when I should be out partying. Actually it’s pretty cool to take day off from getting blasted now and again, so I decided to stay sober tonight by only drinking 40 proof whiskey and eating half the amount of vicodin I would have otherwise. Besides if I didn’t stay home to write this bullshit what would you poor lonely fucks have to do with yourselves?
And that’s when it hit me. You aren’t nearly as awesome as I am. Actually I lied; I discovered this yesterday when I was having this conversation with a bro at the bus stop. I was all like “Hey what’s up dude.” No question mark because it wasn’t really a question since I don’t care about what could possibly be up. Anyway he tried to say something about his kids and I nearly shat myself with boredom.
That’s when I realized how much cooler the world could be if people were more like me.
Embracing your inner Tuesday McGavin
Punch your mail dude. Do I really need to give you a reason? If he’s not already fucking up your deliveries or being late all the time, then he’s probably nailing your girlfriend or something. That’s not really the point though; The point is how bitchin it feels to hit somebody. Don’t worry about his feelings either, nobody cool ever got punched in the face.
Be extremely extreme.
It’s common knowledge that the word extreme comes from the word extremity, which basically means your penis, and if there’s anything that really defines how badass a man is it’s how much of a dick he can be.
Hey look at this the weather looks like a penis.
Fuck I’m bored with this. Here’s another video.