Ok, I admit that I wasn’t able to watch NASCAR for a couple seasons while I was in jail, but I just finished watching the Daytona 500 and I’ve got a few words to say.
MORE LIKE GAYTONA 500 IF YOU ASK ME AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?
Seriously. WHERE DID THIS HOMOEROTIC TANDEM SHIT COME FROM?
If you’re some kind of hermit that hasn’t seen a race lately: Everyone on the track basically chooses a partner to draft with, shoving either the front or back of their car into the front or back of the other dude’s car. Afterwards they argue about which one of them was the woman.
Here’s a quote from an extremely upset used-to-be-fan:
“I love it. The drafting is phenomenal,” said Eddie Smallwood, 75, of Sevierville, Tenn. “It is going to be three abreast, love-bugging all around. They’re here to race.”
Clearly 100% sarcasm. Since when is love-bugging something acceptable for a man to do? I remember when NASCAR racers were real men with real mustaches. The dude that won shaves once a week! Jesus Christ. Richard Petty shaved twice a day.
I’m not mad at you NASCAR. I’m just disappointed.